"Fame, what you like is in the limo.
Fame, what you get is no tomorrow.
Fame, what you need you have to borrow. Fame"
One of Jodie's more recent relationships saw her meet, get
engaged and then break-up with her 'fiancé' all within the space of a month.
Looking at this episode in detail shows just how fragile her relationship
with 'the truth' really is. Unfortunately for Jodie, her attention-seeking
need to open up every aspect of her life to the world leaves a trail of
evidence for anyone with an internet connection to unravel. Before exploring
the difference between the real story and Jodie's version of events, let's
start with a quote from her blog about her ex selling his story to the
"I would just like to point out that any
magazine who DOES run "his story" - I will NEVER work with you again. And I
mean that in the nicest possible way...... The thing is - I know all you
journalists read my website and therefore would have read the truth about
Dave the Boil from my very own hand at this keyboard. Therefore if you still
choose to run a story full of lies about me (which I will rubbish on here
with the TRUTH - and I get 2 million hits a month) then I have NO desire to
ever work with you again as you will be scamming the public into buying
something that's not true
Jodie Marsh 23.1.07
Ok, aside from the '2 million hits a month' thing (Jodie seems
to forget that she has her brother's MySpace player on the site, so people
can see how many hits the site gets from the
number of plays) I'd like to particularly draw your attention to the last
line of that quote.
"then I have NO desire
to ever work with you again as you will be scamming the public into buying
something that's not true"
Got it? Right, back to the story...
Back in September 2006 Jodie was smarting from a humiliating
rejection. Having made a very public play for a man who was already involved
in a serious relationship, she was forced into an equally public apology and
Despite having caused immense embarrassment and upset to Ben and Dawn, a
blameless young couple who had the misfortune to have to work with her,
Jodie's main swell of pity was for herself. At length she reiterated what a
terribly hard life she'd had, how she just wanted to be loved and how
deserving of sympathy she was. Mainly though, she wanted to make it clear
that it was a momentary moral lapse, brought about by a lifetime of being a
victim. Under normal circumstances Jodie Marsh, she assured us, would
chase after a man who wasn't free. This time though, she had
wanted to put her own needs first. She knew she'd been wrong, she said, she
would never do such a thing again, but she asked us to try to understand
that, after so much heartache, she had messed up. Yes, she was wrong, and
she was sorry but, actually, who could blame her poor fragile heart? In
fact, wasn't she
the real victim in this sad little tale? Poor Jodie!
Then, on the 30th of September, came the first
mention of the man who was to become Jodie's momentary fiancé. In a blog
with the low-key title "I'VE SEEN THE MAN OF MY DREAMS BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW
HIS NAME!!!!!" she recounted how, a year earlier in a local restaurant she
had locked eyes with 'quite possibly the best looking man' she'd ever seen;
who she immediately found herself
'falling in love with'.
Jodie doesn't forget the handsome stranger, continuing to muse
on where he lives, what he does and whether he's single yet. Fast forward a
year and she finally gets her second sighting. This time she is determined
not to let him disappear without contact and so, with a level of
sophistication that most of us abandoned before we were fifteen, she sends
her friend over to find out if he's single.
Alas! Poor Jodie! The perfect stranger does indeed have a
girlfriend. And Jodie, having so recently been stung by falling for an
unavailable guy, vows to move on. Sort of. The blog continues to rhapsodise
about his beauty, body, smile, dress sense - "I don't
even know if I'll ever see him again (its been a whole year since the last
time) but I will never forget that face as long as I live. He is so
." And even asking her friend
"why does he have to be such a faithful prick?"
Whilst this sort of immature, 'romantic' fantasising is
somewhat surprising in a woman nearing her thirties, after all, most of us
have a far less deluded idea about the requirements of a real relationship
by this age; it's actually pretty typical of Jodie's approach to 'love'.
Despite her (very much disputed) claim to have 'never been dumped' and her
frequent assertion that she is an expert who knows exactly how to keep a man
happy, her relationships tend to be incredibly short and based on the very
shallowest of attributes.
Two days later, Jodie is still thinking about her perfect
stranger. "Me and Sarah are sitting here in hysterics.
We have just played detective and managed to find out where my perfect
stranger works, the address and phone number of his office and even the name
of his business partner." A couple of paragraphs further down we
discover that "Sarah... has
decided to call the number we have for Dave Doyle to see if he is the man we
think he is."
So much for swearing off men with girlfriends.
For the next month or so Jodie's blogs return to their usual
form: endless bragging; lusting after a procession of unsuitable or
uninterested men; the occasional brief dalliance with a new pick-up;
binge-drinking on a heroic scale; an awful lot of rambling about 'karma'
(which, as we shall see, sets a new benchmark for irony); the odd rant; more
bragging and even more bragging.
By late October however, her attention has moved on. Picking
up two men in a nightclub, she takes them home for a 'threesome' and, within
a few days is blogging about her "two hubbies
By day 3 we are getting "Last
night we had our first argument. Things move quickly in this household! I
can't even remember how it started or what it was about (though I do know I
was wearing see-through knickers and thigh high boots - dildo still in hand
- at the time)." It's hard to imagine why anyone would share such personal
information with thousands of strangers or, indeed, why they would think it
reflected well on them (particularly in a place that, as Jodie often says,
is accessed by very young teenagers) but then, she doesn't seem to
understand the concept of 'privacy'. One can only think that Jodie believes
people will be impressed by her 'racy and adventurous' sex life. Of course
the reality is that, once you strip away the tacky porn-clichés and sex-shop
props, you find a woman who appears to have
an approach to sex that is so two-dimensional, and so disconnected from real
intimacy that you start to wonder whether, despite her claims,
enjoys sex at all.
But it's not just her own privacy
that Jodie breaches, the 'two hubbies' are quickly identified by the Mush
detectives, from the copious hints and details that she gives out. By day 4
they have discovered not just the names of the men, but also the fact that
they both have girlfriends. Despite the ease with which this was discovered
by the Mushers, Jodie claims (at a later date) to be unaware of it.
Jodie hurtles through this ménage a
trois at her usual breakneck speed, even managing another dalliance with a
guy she picks up on a jaunt to Spain for the Moto GP, in the middle of it.
On Friday 3rd of November she's still blissfully blogging
that "Threesomes are the way forward" but, by
she reveals "Threesomes are tiring and I'm single again."
Over the next week or so the blogs become increasingly bizarre
and inconsistent, even by Jodie's standards. On the 8th she's
lusting after Ashley from X-Factor and snogging Rick Parfitt Jnr (the man
her mother apparently wants her to marry). On the 9th
she's ranting about Ben and Dawn again saying "I'll
just never make the mistake again of falling for someone who has a bird; no
matter how gorgeous and no matter how much they flirt with me...I'm
sooooooooooooo glad I'm single! You can't trust men as far as you can throw
One day later, on Friday 10th, Jodie is again sharing her
relationship wisdom, with a rambling blog about guys who cheat on their
girlfriends and, in a thinly disguised message to an unnamed man, she asks
why men stay in relationships when they are not happy. Referring to the 'two
hubbies' that she has apparently dumped, she explains "that
I'd had enough and that while it was fun while it lasted, I know that deep
down I truly want to marry Nicky Hayden, Skunk boy from California, Ashley
from X Factor, Scott Sullivan (if he had a personality transplant) or
Eminem. Other than that I want my own space."
This 'deep down' knowledge about where her heart 'truly' lies
is perhaps the clearest indication of how horribly dysfunctional her
approach to love and marriage is. Firstly, who can 'truly want to marry'
five different people? That's before we even begin to look at the men on
that list in a little more detail. Nicky Hayden is a professional motorcycle
racer she met briefly at the Moto GP; Skunk Boy is a two-day holiday fling;
Ashley is a teenage singer she has met once, briefly; Scott is an ex that
she fell out with and, to the best of my knowledge, she has never met
Eminem. Even as a lighthearted, 'not meant to be serious' comment, it's
disturbing. These objects of Jodie's desire are not 'real people'; they are
men that, at best, she has only passing knowledge of. Blank sheets that she
can project her idea of the 'perfect boyfriend' onto.
Despite her claiming "Other than that I
want my own space" in the next couple of days she manages a date with
a new man as well as revisiting an old flame. And, on the 15th
she announces "I'm on the hunt for a man and I've
For the Mushers watching this increasingly absurd soap-opera
play out, Jodie's MySpace membership is a beautiful gift. Now, not only do
they have the blogs to dissect, they can also follow Jodie's conversations
with her friends, highlighting the contradictions between what she says in
one place, and what she says in the other. It doesn't take people long to
consistency is not really Jodie's strong point.
Of course, this being Jodie, nothing is quite as it seems.
Previously, Jodie had made her feelings about MySpace quite clear, saying
that she will
never get a MySpace page because she has her own website. What could
have happened to change her mind? A few paragraphs into the blog it starts
to become clear. She writes that she is "waiting for a
certain someone to come online to have a chat! I may have just hooked up
with someone special! ha ha. Watch this space!"
In the same blog she also tells us "I'm
determined to get a bloke (even if it is just for Christmas). I'm bored of
being on my own now!" From 'happily single and wanting her own space'
to 'wanting a man and bored of being alone' in just 8 days! And she had at
least one date in that time. Amazing!
The following day (November 16th) things start to
hot up, with Jodie telling the world, in a blizzard of exclamation marks,
that she has indeed managed to 'hook up with someone special'. "Oh
god if only I could tell you who I've been chatting to! ha ha Lets just say
I might be getting married sooner than I thought! Ha ha. The Marsh is in
And things move on apace. Her blog for the 17th
entitled "The one about feeling the happiest I've ever
felt!!!" gushes with an extravagance that is even more extreme than
her usual boastful wittering. "Seriously, I reckon my
life is about to begin! Never has it all been so good at once for me! My
job, my love-life, my friends; everything is just where I want it."
And, again, the following day we get "I am so happy I'm
not sure if I'm actually alive or if I've taken to writing blogs in my
Jodie remains coy in her blog about her "big secret"
but, unable to keep anything in her life private for more than a nanosecond, she
is soon messaging people on
MySpace with considerably less discretion.
To one of her friends she writes
"Jonny H - I'm getting
married to a friend of yours! Woohoooo! I'm keeping his identity a secret
for now but you do know him and i LOVE him more than life itself! Just had
his name tattooed on me today!
So, Jodie goes from being 'on the hunt for a man' on November
to having his name tattooed on her hand on the 21st - a
blisteringly fast six days!
Although she is officially keeping his identity secret, his
position as her 'top friend' (and her identical status on his MySpace page)
reveals this new love-of-her-life to be a DJ named Dave Doyle.