More Quotes - Part 1...
normal, nice girl who knows how to have fun and who would make the perfect
girlfriend for the right man. Ok, I'm a bit of a geek (who plays darts),
slightly eccentric (7 dogs) and too deep for my own good (debating with
school teacher Lauren every night of the week about life's meaning) but I'm
also loads of fun, I don't drink that much (a bonus if you ask me!), I ride
a motorbike (and look very sexy in leathers), have never been unfaithful to
a boyfriend, love children and animals AND can be a whore in the bedroom.
Surely that's every blokes dream bird?! Perhaps it's why I've never been
"They don't care if I'm an
ambassador to 7, yes 7 charities"
Jodie challenges one of her
critics to a 'pulling contest', which involves both women having to remove
their tops. "I think it's fair to say, she was left a
little red-faced as the men drew gasps of delight at my flat brown belly and
whopping melons and gasps of horror at her sagging flaps and wrinkly rolls.
She won't make that mistake again. Obviously I won the competition hands
"I'm a best-selling author as
well as being a tv presenter, model, actress and ambassador to seven
Bile Filled Rants...
... one of her legendary, bile-filled rants.
Here, for example, she reacts to a throwaway,
harmless quote in a magazine: "Before I go; flicking through a
magazine this week I notice that Preston was asked if he has ever been
chatted up by a celeb and he said "yes, Jodie Marsh". Let's just get one
thing straight. While I was in the house of hell, the only thing I said
about him that could get anywhere near his definition of "being chatted up"
is this: "they're all hideous but if I really had to snog one of them it'd
be Preston as he's the best of a bad bunch". Chantelle who is now claiming
to be in love with him (publicity stunt engagement) agreed with me and said
"yeah he's the best of a bad bunch". We sat and laughed about the lack of
fit men in the house. When Preston was touring with Paul Weller he had
credibility with his band; now that he's trying to stay famous by pretending
to me in love with Chantelle, he's lost all credibility and the only fans he
has now are young girls who don't know anything about real music (the type
who think that Rachel Stevens is good). Preston is a little boy who wishes
he'd been out with a real woman. I did not chat him up and never would. Now
Paul Weller - that's a different story. I'd give him a good time alright, no
questions asked. Preston needs to grow up and stop coming out with
ridiculous comments to try and make a name for himself. I don't want to be
brought into his fake desperate world. If he wants to go out with (or
pretend to go out with) a fake bint like Chantelle then fine. If he wants to
do all the stupid stunts and look like a wally in the eyes of anybody who
has any credibility then fine. I wish him luck with his fake life. I do NOT
wish to be involved in it or lied about. In fact I don't even want him to
talk about me ever again. I was nothing but nice to him in the house and
even after we came out and I saw him, I was still nice to him. Now the
little boy is turning into a female version of Chantelle (saying things just
to get in newspapers) and it doesn't suit him. I know he's young and silly
but there's no excuse for telling lies. If Preston grew a foot, put on some
weight, developed a personality and some muscles, grew some balls and half a
brain then maybe, just maybe I'd be interested in him but let's face it -
that's not going to happen. Preston mate - stick to your cheap stunts with
your cheap bird and leave me out of it." An overreaction? You think?
Or when the Liberal Democrat
education spokesman does his job by raising questions about school related
issues, Jodie comes out with this bizarre retaliation. "So.....
an MP, called Phillip Willis, gets up in the House of Commons last week (so
I'm told) and says to the Home Secretary that he thinks Jodie Marsh should
be banned from doing a tour of schools for Beat Bullying. He's 64. He's a
Liberal Democrat. He's under the impression that I am already organising a
tour of schools (which I'm not yet anyway - a simple call to Beat Bullying
and/or my agent would have confirmed that) [actually, Jodie does make
this claim in her blog and Beat Bullying also issue a press release
confirming they are planning to have her tour schools. Her denial here is
simply a lie] and he wants to stop me from doing it.
His reason? I'm not a good role model due to some of the things I write on
Firstly, I want to know why he's wasting public money (that's MY money and
YOUR money - if you're a tax-payer anyway) on getting up to speak about
something he hasn't even done any research on. His wages are paid by our
taxes. And I pay a hell of a lot of tax. Secondly, why is he wasting not
only our money, but the Home Secretary's time?! I'll tell you why.....
George Galloway? I know, I know, nobody WANTS to remember him, but, here's
the point - he's an MP that wants to be a celebrity. He wants everyone in
the country to know his name. Do you know where I'm going with this yet?
Yes, friends.... Here we have, I think, yet another MP trying to make a name
for himself by starting a public war with me. Has anybody heard of Phillip
Willis?! No.... didn't think so.
[I would beg to differ here. Willis is a shadow minister.]
knows that if he starts a public war with an already famous person, he can
suddenly be in all the papers and magazines. It's that simple. An MP linked
to an unlikely famous person's name and hey presto - overnight fame.
bothered by this (other than I really am sick to death of people trying to
get famous off my back). This old man can say what he likes. Here's the
truth: It doesn't matter what I say on my blog. I never insult people who
haven't insulted me first. I never insult anyone who, in my opinion, doesn't
deserve it. [Don't all bullies
justify their behaviour by saying their victims 'deserved what they got'?]
If somebody starts a public war with me, I'll happily finish it, as I am no
longer the weak, vulnerable, suicidal victim I was at school."
Falling in Love...
...'falling in love with'.
"I noticed sitting on the table opposite me quite
possibly the BEST looking man I'd ever seen in my life! I found myself
staring at him and feeling weak and giggly. He was looking back at me too
and we spent the whole meal playing games with our eyes. We were almost
daring each other to look away first. My heart was beating really fast and I
felt light-headed. You know how I always say that teeth and shoes are the
first thing I notice on a man? Well he had a perfect set of both. He had the
most gorgeous face I've ever seen in my life and muscles in all the right
places. He had a wicked dress sense (I even remember what he was wearing)
and I found myself falling in love with him (without even speaking to him!).
He knew I couldn't take my eyes off him but at the same time he couldn't
stop looking at me. It was as if no one else existed at the tables around
us. He was with a large group of people and I know that none of them clocked
me staring at him and saying "I want you!" with my eyes. It was like we had
a secret game going on and we both knew it."
...it clearly had a profound effect on Jodie.
"If I could describe my perfect man; it would be him. I
then went to great lengths to try and find out who he was (even asking the
waitress in the restaurant if she knew anything about him). The waitress
told me that she thought he had a girlfriend and promised to call me or
Lauren if he came in the restaurant again and if he was actually single. My
head was consumed with thoughts of him for so long afterwards and it was so
frustrating cos I didn't even know his name."
..."why does he have to be such a faithful prick?"
perfect stranger - well that's all he is. A perfect stranger. I WISH I knew
him; even just his name. I won't make the mistake of chasing someone else's
bloke ever again but one day I have a feeling we might just meet up and have
to kiss. Now there's an idea - to kiss someone you've never even spoken a
word to!!! Wow - that would be incredible!!!!! We've said a thousand words
between us with our eyes alone anyway. He knows I want him and he knows that
if somehow he ever is single, he can track me down and plant one on me -
I've waited this long - I'll wait forever. Ha ha. Perfect stranger please
get in touch if you ever become single (or anyone that knows him - Lauren
said his name might be Dave and I reckon he's about my age - 27)."
...she even enjoys sex at all.
talks about 'shagging like a porn star' and advises girls to have mirrors in
the bedroom so they can 'practice their porn star poses'.
"Ok, I admit I'm probably better
than average in the bedroom but that's cos I'm confident and not shy.
Working at Stringfellows and watching loads of porn helped me to be a good
lover." Now, I know quite a lot about porn; when I was younger I
edited a porn magazine for three years and, during that time, I met plenty
of people who worked in the industry. The thing about porn movies, is that
it's entirely about the way sex looks, rather
than feels. 'Porn star poses' are designed to
make the act of sex, visible to the camera. That's all. And pornography is
the absolute antithesis of intimacy. A man may be attracted by the idea of
'porn sex', but he's likely to tire of it pretty quickly. Jodie talks about
her room full of sex toys and costumes and says "I'll
do pretty much anything they want me to do in bed when I've had a drink."
It's hard to think of a sadder, more telling line than that - more so
because Jodie obviously thinks this is in some way admirable. Everything she
says about sex, all the things she describes are about a 'performance'. Not
only for the man (or men) in question but, via her endlessly detailed
blogging, it becomes a performance for the entire world.
More Quotes - Part 2...
...describing him in uber-glowing terms.
"I am engaged to the most beautiful and sexy man in the
world. I am not going to go into now as I am just toooooooo tired and it's
far too long to even try and go into. All you need to know is that it's a
beautiful love story and you'll be very impressed when I do tell you. I have
found the man of my dreams - my perfect man! Yes I FOUND
HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Got any ideas who it might be yet? Ha ha. If you
haven't it's tough. I'm going to leave you hanging for now cos honestly I
need to tell the whole story from start to finish and it's going to be the
longest blog ever in the whole world. It is a true fairy tale romantic story
and I want to get it right in the way I tell you cos it means an awful lot
to me (and to him) - I'm not going to mess it up by drip-feeding you little
bits of it. One day this week we are going to sit down and write it
together. Put it this way - he's moved in and so has his cat. Oh - and if
anyone knows of a place in this country where we get a quickie wedding - let
...he had leukaemia which went on to kill him.
"My philosophy on it is that
if she truly loved Dave then she wouldn't go selling stories on him for
money. The truth is that if you love someone then even if they dump you, you
don't fall out of love with them overnight and you certainly don't want to
make them unhappy... ...This girl (after Dave dumped her and before he got
with me) trashed his flat and stole all his stuff. She even took his clothes
and shoes and passport (which, by the way, if we don't get back this week,
we are going to the police about)... ... Added to that is the fact that
she's claiming Dave dumped her for me (when he didn't) and here's the
killer...... ready for it........? She dumped her own boyfriend of 5 years
for Dave. Dave didn't know this at the time but found out months after they
got together. Here's the worst part: the guy she dumped had leukaemia and
later died from it. Yes folks; she's ranting on to the biggest newspaper in
the country that Dave dumped her for me (which isn't true anyway) and 3½
years ago she dumped her own boyfriend for someone else and her own
boyfriend had leukaemia at the time! Can you believe? Poor guy. Really don't
know what Dave saw in her after finding that out!"
...Jodie claims it is just the stress of working that is creating problems.
"I'm being a real bitch to Dave at the moment. I know I
am but I can't help it! The thing is; when I'm at work I put 200% into it
and by the time I get home I am mentally drained to the point that I don't
even want to talk. I need at least a few hours of silence before I slowly
come back to life again (which is what has happened now at 11pm while Dave
is at work [as a DJ] and Jord
[Jodie's brother Jordan] is about to go home! Bummer).
Poor Dave is all hyper and wants to chat non-stop but I can barely even
manage to mumble a few noises at him. I know it's awful but when this is all
over I'll give him lots of cuddles and silly chats! Right now I need (and
want) to put all my energy into my work."
right into the party spirit...
is my official birthday tomorrow and I don't want to be any older so I am
going to hide for the whole day. I don't want to see anyone. I'm only joking
- it is an excuse to get the most drunk I have ever been - even more drunk
than right now and to HAVE IT large style and to be a pig and get away with
it. I love misbehaving and I will use my birthday to the full extent of
being atrocious and getting away with it. love the birthday season!"
...no man would ever be able to upset or hurt her again.
"It's like; no one can hurt me
anymore. One blog I read actually make me gasp aloud (it was one about
crying over [an ex boyfriend]). I mean.....
hilarious!!! Why on earth would I cry over some twat bloke that I've only
been with a few weeks? Is he worth my tears? NO! Was he ever going to last
with me? NO! Why Jodie why? I can't believe I ever cried over him. You see;
there's the difference. I really don't think I would ever cry over a man
again (unless he died I suppose, sorry - that sounded a bit harsh - I didn't
mean that to sound harsh - just - oh you know what I mean!). I think it was
sitting at the top of a mountain in Italy [where she fled to recover
from the Ben and Dawn fiasco] on my own that did it you
know! I truly found myself! It's like I realised what's really important in
life and what's not. Now I just want fun 200% of the time and no silly man
will ever make me cry again. Dave's good as gold - he hasn't upset me at
all; I just mean that even if he did (or tried to), I don't think I would be
bothered. I'm not saying I've got no feelings or emotions; it's weird, I
don't really know what I'm trying to say actually......" Despite the
"Dave's good as gold" comment, does this sound
like a woman in love?
Dave Doyle you are dumped!
"If you are reading this Dave Doyle; you are dumped.
I'm not even going to waste my breath in saying it to your face or on the
phone. You don't deserve it. The reason for this? I know (and have proof)
that you cheated on me. It was on New Year's Eve, with your ex-bird, she
stayed at your flat and got a cab to the station the next day. Do not ring
me (cos I won't answer), do not email me (cos I won't read it) and if you
sell a story on me; well you'll just make yourself look stupid because I
have done nothing wrong and YOU are a cheating w*nker".