"They don't care if I'm an ambassador to 7, yes 7 charities"

"I'm a best-selling author as well as being a tv presenter, model, actress and ambassador to seven charities."

Here, for example, she reacts to a throwaway, harmless quote in a magazine: "Before I go; flicking through a magazine this week I notice that Preston was asked if he has ever been chatted up by a celeb and he said "yes, Jodie Marsh". Let's just get one thing straight. While I was in the house of hell, the only thing I said about him that could get anywhere near his definition of "being chatted up" is this: "they're all hideous but if I really had to snog one of them it'd be Preston as he's the best of a bad bunch". Chantelle who is now claiming to be in love with him (publicity stunt engagement) agreed with me and said "yeah he's the best of a bad bunch". We sat and laughed about the lack of fit men in the house. When Preston was touring with Paul Weller he had credibility with his band; now that he's trying to stay famous by pretending to me in love with Chantelle, he's lost all credibility and the only fans he has now are young girls who don't know anything about real music (the type who think that Rachel Stevens is good). Preston is a little boy who wishes he'd been out with a real woman. I did not chat him up and never would. Now Paul Weller - that's a different story. I'd give him a good time alright, no questions asked. Preston needs to grow up and stop coming out with ridiculous comments to try and make a name for himself. I don't want to be brought into his fake desperate world. If he wants to go out with (or pretend to go out with) a fake bint like Chantelle then fine. If he wants to do all the stupid stunts and look like a wally in the eyes of anybody who has any credibility then fine. I wish him luck with his fake life. I do NOT wish to be involved in it or lied about. In fact I don't even want him to talk about me ever again. I was nothing but nice to him in the house and even after we came out and I saw him, I was still nice to him. Now the little boy is turning into a female version of Chantelle (saying things just to get in newspapers) and it doesn't suit him. I know he's young and silly but there's no excuse for telling lies. If Preston grew a foot, put on some weight, developed a personality and some muscles, grew some balls and half a brain then maybe, just maybe I'd be interested in him but let's face it - that's not going to happen. Preston mate - stick to your cheap stunts with your cheap bird and leave me out of it." An overreaction? You think?

Or when the Liberal Democrat education spokesman does his job by raising questions about school related issues, Jodie comes out with this bizarre retaliation. "So..... an MP, called Phillip Willis, gets up in the House of Commons last week (so I'm told) and says to the Home Secretary that he thinks Jodie Marsh should be banned from doing a tour of schools for Beat Bullying. He's 64. He's a Liberal Democrat. He's under the impression that I am already organising a tour of schools (which I'm not yet anyway - a simple call to Beat Bullying and/or my agent would have confirmed that) [actually, Jodie does make this claim in her blog and Beat Bullying also issue a press release confirming they are planning to have her tour schools. Her denial here is simply a lie] and he wants to stop me from doing it. His reason? I'm not a good role model due to some of the things I write on this blog.

Firstly, I want to know why he's wasting public money (that's MY money and YOUR money - if you're a tax-payer anyway) on getting up to speak about something he hasn't even done any research on. His wages are paid by our taxes. And I pay a hell of a lot of tax. Secondly, why is he wasting not only our money, but the Home Secretary's time?! I'll tell you why.....

Remember George Galloway? I know, I know, nobody WANTS to remember him, but, here's the point - he's an MP that wants to be a celebrity. He wants everyone in the country to know his name. Do you know where I'm going with this yet? Yes, friends.... Here we have, I think, yet another MP trying to make a name for himself by starting a public war with me. Has anybody heard of Phillip Willis?! No.... didn't think so. [I would beg to differ here. Willis is a shadow minister.]

I wasn't bothered by this (other than I really am sick to death of people trying to get famous off my back). This old man can say what he likes. Here's the truth: It doesn't matter what I say on my blog. I never insult people who haven't insulted me first. I never insult anyone who, in my opinion, doesn't deserve it. [Don't all bullies justify their behaviour by saying their victims 'deserved what they got'?] If somebody starts a public war with me, I'll happily finish it, as I am no longer the weak, vulnerable, suicidal victim I was at school." Such self-importance!

"I noticed sitting on the table opposite me quite possibly the BEST looking man I'd ever seen in my life! I found myself staring at him and feeling weak and giggly. He was looking back at me too and we spent the whole meal playing games with our eyes. We were almost daring each other to look away first. My heart was beating really fast and I felt light-headed. You know how I always say that teeth and shoes are the first thing I notice on a man? Well he had a perfect set of both. He had the most gorgeous face I've ever seen in my life and muscles in all the right places. He had a wicked dress sense (I even remember what he was wearing) and I found myself falling in love with him (without even speaking to him!). He knew I couldn't take my eyes off him but at the same time he couldn't stop looking at me. It was as if no one else existed at the tables around us. He was with a large group of people and I know that none of them clocked me staring at him and saying "I want you!" with my eyes. It was like we had a secret game going on and we both knew it."

"If I could describe my perfect man; it would be him. I then went to great lengths to try and find out who he was (even asking the waitress in the restaurant if she knew anything about him). The waitress told me that she thought he had a girlfriend and promised to call me or [Jodie's friend] Lauren if he came in the restaurant again and if he was actually single. My head was consumed with thoughts of him for so long afterwards and it was so frustrating cos I didn't even know his name."

"The perfect stranger - well that's all he is. A perfect stranger. I WISH I knew him; even just his name. I won't make the mistake of chasing someone else's bloke ever again but one day I have a feeling we might just meet up and have to kiss. Now there's an idea - to kiss someone you've never even spoken a word to!!! Wow - that would be incredible!!!!! We've said a thousand words between us with our eyes alone anyway. He knows I want him and he knows that if somehow he ever is single, he can track me down and plant one on me - I've waited this long - I'll wait forever. Ha ha. Perfect stranger please get in touch if you ever become single (or anyone that knows him - Lauren said his name might be Dave and I reckon he's about my age - 27)."

Jodie frequently talks about 'shagging like a porn star' and advises girls to have mirrors in the bedroom so they can 'practice their porn star poses'. "Ok, I admit I'm probably better than average in the bedroom but that's cos I'm confident and not shy. Working at Stringfellows and watching loads of porn helped me to be a good lover." Now, I know quite a lot about porn; when I was younger I edited a porn magazine for three years and, during that time, I met plenty of people who worked in the industry. The thing about porn movies, is that it's entirely about the way sex looks, rather than feels. 'Porn star poses' are designed to make the act of sex, visible to the camera. That's all. And pornography is the absolute antithesis of intimacy. A man may be attracted by the idea of 'porn sex', but he's likely to tire of it pretty quickly. Jodie talks about her room full of sex toys and costumes and says "I'll do pretty much anything they want me to do in bed when I've had a drink." It's hard to think of a sadder, more telling line than that - more so because Jodie obviously thinks this is in some way admirable. Everything she says about sex, all the things she describes are about a 'performance'. Not only for the man (or men) in question but, via her endlessly detailed blogging, it becomes a performance for the entire world.

"I am engaged to the most beautiful and sexy man in the world. I am not going to go into now as I am just toooooooo tired and it's far too long to even try and go into. All you need to know is that it's a beautiful love story and you'll be very impressed when I do tell you. I have found the man of my dreams - my perfect man! Yes I FOUND HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Got any ideas who it might be yet? Ha ha. If you haven't it's tough. I'm going to leave you hanging for now cos honestly I need to tell the whole story from start to finish and it's going to be the longest blog ever in the whole world. It is a true fairy tale romantic story and I want to get it right in the way I tell you cos it means an awful lot to me (and to him) - I'm not going to mess it up by drip-feeding you little bits of it. One day this week we are going to sit down and write it together. Put it this way - he's moved in and so has his cat. Oh - and if anyone knows of a place in this country where we get a quickie wedding - let me know!"

"My philosophy on it is that if she truly loved Dave then she wouldn't go selling stories on him for money. The truth is that if you love someone then even if they dump you, you don't fall out of love with them overnight and you certainly don't want to make them unhappy... ...This girl (after Dave dumped her and before he got with me) trashed his flat and stole all his stuff. She even took his clothes and shoes and passport (which, by the way, if we don't get back this week, we are going to the police about)... ... Added to that is the fact that she's claiming Dave dumped her for me (when he didn't) and here's the killer...... ready for it........? She dumped her own boyfriend of 5 years for Dave. Dave didn't know this at the time but found out months after they got together. Here's the worst part: the guy she dumped had leukaemia and later died from it. Yes folks; she's ranting on to the biggest newspaper in the country that Dave dumped her for me (which isn't true anyway) and 3½ years ago she dumped her own boyfriend for someone else and her own boyfriend had leukaemia at the time! Can you believe? Poor guy. Really don't know what Dave saw in her after finding that out!"

"I'm being a real bitch to Dave at the moment. I know I am but I can't help it! The thing is; when I'm at work I put 200% into it and by the time I get home I am mentally drained to the point that I don't even want to talk. I need at least a few hours of silence before I slowly come back to life again (which is what has happened now at 11pm while Dave is at work [as a DJ] and Jord [Jodie's brother Jordan] is about to go home! Bummer). Poor Dave is all hyper and wants to chat non-stop but I can barely even manage to mumble a few noises at him. I know it's awful but when this is all over I'll give him lots of cuddles and silly chats! Right now I need (and want) to put all my energy into my work."

"It is my official birthday tomorrow and I don't want to be any older so I am going to hide for the whole day. I don't want to see anyone. I'm only joking - it is an excuse to get the most drunk I have ever been - even more drunk than right now and to HAVE IT large style and to be a pig and get away with it. I love misbehaving and I will use my birthday to the full extent of being atrocious and getting away with it. love the birthday season!"

"It's like; no one can hurt me anymore. One blog I read actually make me gasp aloud (it was one about crying over [an ex boyfriend]). I mean..... hilarious!!! Why on earth would I cry over some twat bloke that I've only been with a few weeks? Is he worth my tears? NO! Was he ever going to last with me? NO! Why Jodie why? I can't believe I ever cried over him. You see; there's the difference. I really don't think I would ever cry over a man again (unless he died I suppose, sorry - that sounded a bit harsh - I didn't mean that to sound harsh - just - oh you know what I mean!). I think it was sitting at the top of a mountain in Italy [where she fled to recover from the Ben and Dawn fiasco] on my own that did it you know! I truly found myself! It's like I realised what's really important in life and what's not. Now I just want fun 200% of the time and no silly man will ever make me cry again. Dave's good as gold - he hasn't upset me at all; I just mean that even if he did (or tried to), I don't think I would be bothered. I'm not saying I've got no feelings or emotions; it's weird, I don't really know what I'm trying to say actually......" Despite the "Dave's good as gold" comment, does this sound like a woman in love?

"If you are reading this Dave Doyle; you are dumped. I'm not even going to waste my breath in saying it to your face or on the phone. You don't deserve it. The reason for this? I know (and have proof) that you cheated on me. It was on New Year's Eve, with your ex-bird, she stayed at your flat and got a cab to the station the next day. Do not ring me (cos I won't answer), do not email me (cos I won't read it) and if you sell a story on me; well you'll just make yourself look stupid because I have done nothing wrong and YOU are a cheating w*nker".